happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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