DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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