His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
