Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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