was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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