You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
3pm strippers are depressing
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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