Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
