well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
