Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize