I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
