Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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