My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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