just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
