Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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