Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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