I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
