do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
