we have pet lesbian snakes
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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