we're blogging at a bar
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
