I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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