my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
