I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
