My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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