this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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