This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
