I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
