3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
