I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
