took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dignity is for republicans.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
