All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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