I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
