On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
