Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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