Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
