i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize