it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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