Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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