oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
