What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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