i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
