So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
