i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
