All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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