Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize