Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
