I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
