It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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