So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
