Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
