its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize