just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
