If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
