I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
