My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
