Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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