Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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