WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Houston, we have a squirter
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
