We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my being single is dangerous.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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