since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
